I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
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