No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
