Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
