now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
