Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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