I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
