Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Oh god it's open bar.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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