Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize
