honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize