im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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