shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
