yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
