shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
