the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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