My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
you have to choose: penises or morals?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
