I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
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