So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
