ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
