I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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