if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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