He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
