yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
