Where is the hickey?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Randomize
