I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
