Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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