Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
