This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
