Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
there's paper in my vomit.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
