Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
bring money and cleavage
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
