My brain says no but my pants say off.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
