Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
