the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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