They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
