no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
