I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize