We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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