All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
