that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize