U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Randomize
