Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
