yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
