i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
