Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
sarcasm needs its own font
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
