this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
