May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
