Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
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