Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
