4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
