my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
