you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
