just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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