So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
