awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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