how can u be prego again
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
