she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
