Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
