I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
