vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
