This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
