just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
You dont lie about slip and slides
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
