Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
