Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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