I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
