Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
