Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
