you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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