WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
and she was petting her beer can
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
