I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
