I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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