he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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