***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
