so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
